Six Secrets to Changing Your Life
Seth Godin posted this recently:
Who you hang out with determines what you dream about and what you collide with.
And the collisions and the dreams lead to your changes.
And the changes are what you become.
Change the outcome by changing your circle.
Now, this is not a new idea. Smart people have been saying this since before the flood.
So why is this so hard?
The challenge is choosing your circle wisely. Excitement and thrill and fun are attractive, but they come at a very high cost. Choosing the people who will help lift you up and help you become the person you want to become, that’s hard.
We had an issue recently with one of the girls. For the record, it wasn’t the worst choice anyone could make by far. I’ve made much worse. I was influenced by the people I was choosing to spend time with, too. What we’re trying to teach both of the girls:
There are only two directions: toward your goals or away from them. (you can tweet that…)
I had to get really intentional about this last year when I started to take my writing seriously. I asked myself two questions:
- Do the people in your life encourage you to grow and blossom?
- Is there anyone in your life that gets in the way of your growth?
Here are a few practical things I learned along the way that might help you, too:
- Start with Twitter. This was how I finally fell in love with Twitter. I started following leaders and encouragers…anyone who regularly tweeted things that made my heart smile. Now, anytime I need a little lift, I know I can look at my twitter stream and see at least one or two really good nuggets of encouragement to remind me of who I want to be.
- Be intentional: Think carefully about your specific challenges and goals, and seek out the people who will help you get there. Ask for introductions. Show initiative.
- Be choosy: Just because you met someone in church doesn’t mean they’ll be good for you. They might be a great person, but they might not be great for YOU.
- Encourage others: I have found amazing encouragement and some true friends by attending the Quitter and the Killer Tribes conferences, and staying active in those communities. I found that by giving support and encouragement, I got it back without ever having to ask! (thanks, y’all!!)
- Limit exposure to the negative: If you find that someone is toxic–if you find yourself (even once) making choices around them that are not taking you toward where you want to be in your life–cut them off. Take them out of your facebook newsfeed. Stop texting them. Stop meeting up and going out. This sounds harsh, but if you’re fighting really hard to make a dream come true and become a new person, you have to let go of what holds you back. Non-negotiable.
- Be patient: Forming a new circle of friends and support takes time. Not everyone you approach will click. But keep at it. Show up, be present, bring your A-game every day, and the right people will appear when you need them.
What type of person do you need in your life to help you make changes and become the person you want to be?
How do YOU need encouragement today?
Seriously, y’all, I want to encourage you, and I bet that some of the other awesome encouragers that hang around here will want to know you too. Even if you’ve never commented on a blog ever in your life, click here and leave a comment. Really.
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About Christine
I am a writer, a project manager, and a corporate refugee with a heart for orphans around the world. My two daughters were adopted from Ukraine at ages 12 and 14. I post about writing, chasing dreams, and making a difference in the world, and sometimes I share fun snippets of fiction in-progress.
I’ve been really tired all week. I’m trying to be diligent and get up early to do some dream work each day, but some nights I just don’t sleep well and I feel like a zombie. I thought it was supposed to get easier, but it feels like it keeps getting harder.
I agree… good friends and community makes all the difference. The Quitter community has been great to keep me moving forward.
It’s SO hard to find the right mix of hustle and rest, and lately, you’ve had more obstacles than most people! Harder could mean Resistance is after you, but it could also be that you need more rest than you want to admit. Only you know…but wherever you land, know that there are a boatload of people that love you and support you!
Jamie, after you have exhausted ALL the ‘Get to Sleep Secrets’:
No evening Caffeine, Write out your Next Days Do List, Put on Some White Noise via a Ceiling Fan, Wave Machine, Smooth Jazz…(KILL the Screens)
1. Read Your Real Bible – not your iPad or Smart Phone (Psalms – Sleep, Proverbs – Awake)
2. …and, in the illustrious words of *Bing Crosby, “*Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep.”
[ you absolutely must watch *White Christmas & Holiday Inn* during Christmastime ]
3. PRAY for SWEET Dreams & SWEET Sleep…zzz…ZZZ…zzz…
Note:
Lessons Learned in College & in the First Gulf War
1. NEVER take ‘Sleep Aids/Pills’…NO NyQuil…!!!
2. You Are NOT Alone (((God IS Always With YOU)))
B NCUR’GD…the Dupre’ family (Do Pray) 4 U….> NJOY U’r Day/SLEEP
Community is so important! I’m so encouraged and energized by others in the Quitter community.
Recently I had a conversation with a non-Quitter at my day job, complete with a basic how to list of accomplishing something that is just slightly outside the box. She completely shot it down because “we’ve never done it that way before.” Really? I can easily forget that others don’t think in terms of new, unique, and different.
Wow! It is easy to forget. I also have to catch myself and be more intentional about being graceful in equipping people like that rather than just getting frustrated and screaming my head off. We’re all works-in-progress, right?
“…be more intentional about being graceful in equipping people like that.”
YEP…Hard 2 B Jesus somedays…(((B Pray’d UP & Fess’d UP)))
Remember:
Do Good, Then…DISAPPEAR…
(many times the Good Shepherd went to the Sea/Beach to Rest/Relax/Re-Energize)
**NEVER LET ‘EM STEAL U’R JOY**
NJOY U’r Day…>
Oh, Mark…I love the thought of Jesus just relaxing at the beach!
This is one of the most practical and encouraging posts I’ve read in a long time. It’s going in my “favorite” file.
I really do have to limit my exposure to the negative and it’s interesting that you suggest “cutting them off” (in reference to toxic people). I have recently had to do that several times on Facebook with people who post things that I find offensive. It really does help to just redirect rather than engage.
Thanks for some really great suggestions here.
It’s hard to cut people off, especially when we either think that we should be able to help lift someone up, or when we fear hurting them or being thought of negatively, or any of the host of other “reasons” we might come up with. But if they pull us off track, they have to go.
Even though I said it was non-negotiable, its true that some people we can’t cut completely (like family!). But in those cases, limiting contact and learning to hold our own emotional boundaries is REALLY important.
I love this. I have found that some bloggers/Tweeps are toxic to me even if they’re Christ-followers themselves. I’ve had to be more selective in whose blogs I choose to read. Nothing against them as a person, but I find my mood, actions, attitude not in the best place when I read those posts so I stopped…
Am I one of those people? 😉
Of course not
It would be really ironic if I was…but also sad. So I’m glad to be non-toxic. Like a Crayola marker. Can I be the purple one? 😉
I generally claim purple things for myself but I suppose I can share just this once. 😉
Hi Christine,
You’ve shared such great insights. It’s so real, we need to separate/ purge yourself off of people and content that doesn’t make you blossom.
My question stands at this point: “They might be a great person, but they might not be great for YOU.” How to know that this person is not great for ME, that is where rubber meets the road for me. Great read, thanks!
That is a VERY difficult question, Maureen! I constantly ask myself: “Does this person help me be more authentically close to Jesus?” For me, that doesn’t mean that they preach or cite bible verses…it just means that they help me be the person Jesus wants me to be.