River of Thoughts

Christine Royse Niles — Changing the world one word at a time

Let’s Start (Again) At The Very Beginning


…A very good place to start.

I have big plans for 2012 here at RiverOfThoughts.com, and I’m excited for you to be part of them!

First, you’ll be able to enjoy three posts a week starting in mid-January!

In addition to the random fun stories and occasional introspection that goes on here, I’m planning two series to get us through the winter:

  • Adoption 101 — I’ll make my best effort at explaining the often overwhelming maze of choices surrounding adoption
  • Mission in Action — I’ll profile people that are living out the call to care for orphans and make a difference in the world.

To lay the groundwork for 2012, I’m resurrecting and revising some of the key posts from the past that tell our story. This was originally posted on 22 December, 2006.

 

The Discovery

Adoption found us.

When people learn that our children are adopted, many assume that we had fertility issues or that we had a gaping hole in our lives that we needed to fill with children.  Not so.

We were DINKs (dual-income, no kids).  We enjoyed traveling, scuba diving, sleeping in on Saturday mornings…Life was good.  We love learning about different cultures and we had hosted foreign guests through church exchange programs.

In early 2006, we stumbled across a column in the local newspaper about a “culture camp” for orphans from Ukraine. The program enabled children ages 6-12 to visit the United States and experience living with an American family. Families could “host” a child without any plans to adopt.

When we first read the article, we thought of some friends who had been considering adopting from Ukraine. We set the article aside.

Days turned into weeks; the article remained on top of the pile of coffee table books. One day, Mark turned to me (or I turned to him…who knows?) and said, “Gee, maybe we should host one of these kids.” I (or he, who knows?) answered “Sure, might be fun.”

The Application

Mark promptly contacted the program coordinator to get details and see what was involved.

We would need to complete an application, submit to a police check, and take an online course designed for families hosting or adopting an international child from an institutional setting such as an orphanage. The costs for the police check and the online course were minimal, so we thought, “still sounds fun!”

The life changes began when we sat down one evening to complete the application.

One of the first questions was “Are you open to adoption?” Adhering to the “never say never” policy, we answered “yes.” Then came “why are you interested in adoption?” and so on. Each question innocently led to the next, making us think a little more with each one.

When we finished the application, we were still planning to simply host, but our hearts had been opened to the option of adoption…..

Choosing a Child

Once we were approved as host families, the fun began.

Within a few days, we received an email with photos of two brothers, 8 and 9. They were incredibly cute; both looked like they had popped right out of a 1950s TV show. But the more I started thinking of the impact of TWO boys on this household, the more panic set in.

I called the program coordinator and asked if perhaps they might have any girls that needed a place to stay.  She immediately sent photos and told me a little bit about the oldest girl, whom she had met on a recent visit to Ukraine.

When Mark got home that evening, we looked at the photos, debated a lot, and finally concluded that Mariya was the right choice to stay with us.

Education

We began to learn a lot about the orphanage system in Ukraine and about the conditions these kids live in.

We also went through a web-based training program that outlined the structured environment that these children live in, and some of the challenges that they might encounter while they were here.

We learned about boundaries and overstimulation and attachment disorder and the effects of trauma and loss that many of these children have suffered.  Most importantly, we learned how to prepare an environment that would help Mariya feel safe and comfortable with us during her stay.

Preparation

I began to imagine how scary it must be to be thrown into a new environment, with strangers, and have no idea what anyone is saying or what will happen next!

To give her some way to know what was coming up, and to feel a little more “in control” and to adjust more easily, we made a calendar on posterboard for the time she would be here, and we made post-it notes with some of the activities that were planned for her visit.

We also spent time with a couple who had adopted four older kids from Ukraine. They were able to share many experiences and insights into the orphanage system, and to help us know what to expect while Mariya was here.

As we prepared, we started thinking more about the potential of adoption–of the possibility that this little girl would be more than just a visitor in our home for three weeks.

But while we were slowly opening to the idea of adoption, we still thought our main role would be to help find this child a home with another family.

God had other plans for us…..

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About Christine

I am a writer, a project manager, and a corporate refugee with a heart for orphans around the world. My two daughters were adopted from Ukraine at ages 12 and 14. I post about writing, chasing dreams, and making a difference in the world, and sometimes I share fun snippets of fiction in-progress.

2 Replies

  1. excited to see everything He has in store Christine!

    1. Christine

      Thanks, Chris! Glad to have you along for the ride!!

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