River of Thoughts

Christine Royse Niles — Changing the world one word at a time

Even More

I’m a control freak.

As a project manager, I used to joke that I got paid to be a control freak. But when it comes to relationships, my control-freak-ed-ness is…not a gift.

Holding on

I suspect that most parents struggle with control issues from time to time. With wanting their kids to make certain choices, with wanting to protect them from painful mistakes.

And when your kids come from hard places, when they’ve lived through trauma and seen things no kid should see…well, Mama Bear gets even more protective. Raawr.

Seriously, though. As they grow into young adults, I want to equip them to make their own choices, but I also feel like they have experiences lurking in their past covering them with a veil of lies. Past betrayals that could derail them. Hidden pain that might make hard choices harder. Too hard.

In an effort to protect and guide them, I sometimes go too far.

I try to make my choices theirs.

Letting go

Tyler Ward preached on this a few weeks ago, and really slammed me against a wall.

In the time since, I have talked with several friends struggling with a similar desire to protect and guide and speak into the lives of people they love–people who are faced with or making choices that, well, aren’t the ones we want for them.

There were lots of great takeaways in Tyler’s sermon; it’s really worth a full watch. (if you’re a more “on the go” person, you can download the audio and listen, but you’ll miss a pretty awesomely hilarious visual aid. trust me)

But if you only have time to skim, don’t miss this part:

Think about the people you’re struggling to guide or lead or influence…or control? Those people you’re praying for?

God loves them even more than you do.

Yeah. You heard that right.

You love them. You care about them. You lie awake at night worrying about them.

They could be your kids, or your parents, or your best friend’s boyfriend’s cousin’s uncle. Whoever it is, you love and care. Maybe even more than you care about what happens to yourself.

But God cares even more. God loves them even more.

Even more.

So why do you think you can do a better job taking care of them than God can?

Freedom

Seriously, folks, this is freeing me.

It’s not easy. I need reminders throughout the day.

So much so that I hung this prayer up on a post-it note above my bathroom sink. I see it often enough to remind me and reinforce, but not so often that I tune it out.

Father God, You love them even more than i do. I trust You to guide them. I trust Your Spirit to convict them. I lay them at your feet. Amen. I believe.

Trust me, I have to say that “I believe” part a few times. I’m still reminding myself. I’m still choosing to believe.

I’m choosing to trust that God loves them even more than I do.

What do you need to lay down today? Leave a comment…

 

pps: This really is worth the time to watch…Or to download: trust-god-with-others.mp3  Really.

pps. This doesn’t mean we don’t/shouldn’t/can’t ask for God to intervene in specific ways. It also doesn’t mean that things will always turn out the way we want them to. It’s just helping me wrap my brain and my heart around a horrible cycle of trying to control other people’s actions.

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About Christine

I am a writer, a project manager, and a corporate refugee with a heart for orphans around the world. My two daughters were adopted from Ukraine at ages 12 and 14. I post about writing, chasing dreams, and making a difference in the world, and sometimes I share fun snippets of fiction in-progress.

8 Replies

  1. Christine-
    Thanks for writing this post just for me- how kind of you! I’m listening to the sermon now! While working of course :)
    Dawn

    1. Christine

      Anytime! You know God will tell me what you need, right? :)

  2. Oh how I need to keep reading reminders like this. Today my daughter told me she is considering a college 2600 miles away. I told her it would be hard for me when she leaves, she smiled and said “I know”. Then I forced myself to say, “But if that is God’s plan for you I support you”. I hope to mean it someday

    1. Christine

      Oh, Christa…I am right there with you! It’s hard. I pray this about 9 times a day, and it’s still hard, but I’m starting to catch myself more often and let the Spirit do more of the heavy lifting. You will mean it, eventually. And you can be scared and supportive at the same time–at least I sure hope it’s possible!

  3. Visiting after seeing your post on the 30 Days of Hustle FB group. I really enjoyed reading your story. I can’t wait to read more in the new year! God Bless.

    1. Christine

      Thanks so much for stopping by, Donna! I think 30 Days is going to knock everyone’s socks off!

  4. Thanks for this. I needed it for sure.

    1. Christine

      praying for you, my friend!

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