I Need Support
When we decided to adopt a 12-year old girl from Ukraine, people thought we were crazy.
My mom actually told me it was a bad idea. After Thanksgiving dinner, she looked straight at me and said “What are you thinking? You don’t have a clue! What makes you think you can do this?” It wasn’t a question.
My only answer? “This is what God wants me to do, so He’ll pull it off somehow.” Since my mom wasn’t a Christian, she didn’t really get that. But that’s ok, I guess. I got it.
- One thing she was right about: Parenting is hard.
- One thing she maybe grasped a little: Parenting adopted kids is different.
- One thing she was wrong about: We were in it alone.
God equips us through our stories
Every female in our house has lived a uniquely difficult story.
For me, it affects the way I parent. It amplifies my fears.
For our girls, it affects the way they react to our parenting efforts. It intensifies their insecurities.
But God finds ways to make good from terrible things. In my life, some of them resulted from my choices. Some happened to me through no fault of my own. Regardless of the why, God is using my story to equip me to help my girls heal from theirs.
God provides for us through community
Even with my unique ability to help them, I need help too. I need support. I need to know that I’m not the only one that struggles with how to balance love and discipline and with how to equip them to keep themselves safe and have healthy relationships.
We have a lot of the normal teen drama, but there’s another layer to our family dynamic. There’s a thread of loss and trauma and pain that’s woven through our stories. I can either choose to ignore all of this and pretend that everything is normal, or I can leverage the community that God has provided.
I can choose to connect with other adoptive parents and learn from their stories. I can gain strength from others who have been generous enough to share their struggles and successes and mistakes. Others who just get it.
God calls us to care for each other
Sometimes we want so badly to appear to have it all together that we fail to recognize when we need the support and connection to others. When we need help.
If you are just beginning an adoption journey, connect with other adoptive parents. Even if you can’t find families whose situations match yours exactly (country, age, etc), you’ll find that there are still commonalities as well as differences that you can all learn from.
If you’ve adopted, my plea is that you would not only help those who are coming along behind you, but also accept the support of those who have gone before you.
No matter how far along the adoption journey you are, don’t go it alone.
How do you use your story to support others? Leave a comment…
The Growing Writer’s Survival Kit is filled with tools to help you when writing gets tough. Get your FREE toolkit (and updates) by entering your email address here:
About Christine
I am a writer, a project manager, and a corporate refugee with a heart for orphans around the world. My two daughters were adopted from Ukraine at ages 12 and 14. I post about writing, chasing dreams, and making a difference in the world, and sometimes I share fun snippets of fiction in-progress.
Great post. I think we need community in so many areas of our life. You are doing a great job of sharing your story and providing support to others. I think we also get support when we are willing to give it to others. I’m always amazed by how much more you end up receiving when you’re willing to give. Keep up the great work!
Thanks, Tammy…you give so much support that you have to know what you’re talking about!!!
Christine, this is a fantastic post. The entire post I kept thinking to myself, “I need support too.” I think we all do. It’s the way God made us; we need others.
You’re right, Jim. We all do. I find I get into the worst places when I forget that.
I’m guessing that God is smiling inside from your story Christine, very inspiring and I’m glad to be connected to you through our writing!!
Me, too, Chris! He smiles, but he shakes his head sometimes too…I just picture him up there saying “Can’t believe she just really did that, but that’s how she learns.”
I loved this post Christine, and the only comfort and support I can offer is this: We ALL have baggage, no matter what. No matter how hard our parents tried, we’re all defunct in one way or another. Some are flawed slightly, while others are major-league screwy.
When you said in this post that “…we want so badly to appear to have it all together that we fail to recognize when we need the support and connection to others.” it really touched a nerve.
Don’t beat yourself up about what kind of difficult story your girls have to tell. At least you’re not the one to have given them that difficult story…it was there before you were, and if not for you, the difficult story would have not had an ending.
Your stories, even though primarily about adoption, are inspiring to me as a parent of two boys that I try as hard as I can not to poison with the dysfunction that was passed onto me.
Keep telling your story. You have no idea who you reach and on what level.
You offer a LOT of support Scott. More than you know!
Glad that you’re working to break the cycle too….we all come into parenting with our own baggage; awareness is the most important step to making different choices.
You and Kathy are doing an AMAZING job with your boys! Watching them holler “We’re debt free!” with you was such a joy for me…thanks for letting me be part of it!
Thanks for being there…AND for taping it! I’m working on a video post of the call that should be up in a few weeks, thanks to you providing a visual of the event!
I’m honored that you guys drove straight to FPP from Indiana. That was awesome!