Waiting

Waiting sucks.

I’m impatient.  Mark is even more impatient.  Neither of us stand in line well.  He continues to shop.  I read random things on my phone.  We don’t like waiting.

One of of top three questions when people begin to think about adoption is “How long will it take?”  Clearly, Mark and I are not the only ones who aren’t fond of long waits.

Why the wait?

When we decided to adopt, we assumed that an international adoption would be quick, especially for an older child.  Quicker than domestic.  Certainly quicker than waiting to be chosen by a birth mom.

We see “waiting kids” lists.  We see the number 153 Million.  For us, we MET the child we wanted to adopt.  She was in our house.  Why couldn’t we just keep her??

We thought we’d get the paperwork shot through fast, and we’re on a plane to get the kiddo.  Right?

Unfortunately, it ain’t that easy.  Most of the time, there are background checks and notary visits and apostilles and changes in forms which mean more notary visits and apostilles…and all of those mean time.

Sometimes countries change regulations to try to protect children and drive corruption out.  The US Embassy puts extra checks in place to ensure that adopted children are truly orphans.  More time.

In some cases, in some countries….years go by.

Sometimes adoptions might be even moving right along in a country when you start, and then they grind to a halt.

Things change.

People think of all the wonderful little girls waiting in China to find a home.  We have friends that have been waiting for FIVE YEARS for their referral.  We wait with them.

I still see blog posts and families that are just on fire to adopt from Ethiopia.  Ethiopia is crawling.  We pray with them.

We have multiple friends who got stuck in a loop of paperwork and bureaucracy that caused months of delays after they adopted their kids in Ethiopia but before they could get visas to bring them to the States.  The kids were cared for by very kindhearted people in transitional homes.  The kids were fed and cuddled, and loved, and cleaned.  But they were apart from their new family.

Everyone waits.  Maybe a little less than patiently.

We got lucky.

We had no idea how blessed we were with Masha.  How the hand of God was on our process, pushing everything smoothly though.  No idea.  I really had no clue what “issues” really were, then.  What delays and corrections and renewals really meant.

People sometimes choose international adoption on the mistaken assumption that it’s predictable.  That it’s safer.  That it will be simpler.

Not.

So why do this?

I’m not suggesting to not do it.  Not by any stretch.  Every single child deserves the love of a family.  God calls us to care for the orphan.  If we can, we should.

But I am urging you to go in with your eyes wide open.  Don’t expect it to be quick and easy.

Be realistic.  Be prepared.  Be ready for the marathon.

How?

Surround yourself with support.  With people who have been there, who are there.  Put these people on your speed dial.  Get together for dinner or coffee.  Often.

Tap into the internet resources that you need to keep a clear perspective on what’s going on in your country and with your agency and other agencies working there.  Trust your agency, but verify against other experiences.  Understand the factors that are affecting your country and your agency.

Above all, be ready to let go of the control.  Trust God’s timing.

If you’ve adopted, how long did it take?  Leave a comment…