I Can’t Be Happy All The Time

Exactly five years ago, we were in Ukraine, three weeks into our five-week adventure for Masha’s adoption. For the next few weeks, I’m posting excerpts and a photo or two from each day. Sometimes funny, and sometimes proof of how naive we were, I hope you’ll enjoy our little trip down memory lane…

Sunday, 3 June, 2007 – Extreme Day

For the first time since we landed in Ukraine, I uttered the words “I’m cold.” Outside.

The day dawned with the promise of sun and heat; I dressed as usual in lightweight capris and a camisole, knowing that we would be outside most of the day; I gave up carrying the contingency sweatshirt weeks ago. But clouds began to form late in the morning.

We picked Masha up at 11:20, and sat on a park bench outside the orphanage to share with her the plans for the next couple of weeks so she would know what to expect. We explained that a week from tomorrow, we would leave the orphanage and travel to the capital of the region, and then on to Kiev. We told her that she would be able to write letters and call her friends, but that she needed to spend some with them this week.

We could sense that Masha had reached her limit for this conversation; she acknowledged that she understood everything, and that she had no questions. We are learning that she is not afraid of being honest with us about her feelings, though…when Kseniya asked if she as excited about coming to the US, she said “no, not really.”

She realizes that she is going to be leaving everything she knows, and moving into a culture that is totally different, where she doesn’t know what’s appropriate or expected behavior and she doesn’t understand or speak the language, and she realizes that it’s not going to be like last summer’s holiday where we were always doing something fun. But she still knows that she wants to come with us and be part of our family.

While this isn’t the storybook scene that we had imagined, the three of us holding hands and skipping onto the plane, it’s honest. It’s true. It’s the reality of messy and conflicting human emotions that each of us experience, but that we often try to hide. My heart goes out to her as she works through everything that’s going on inside her. I love her more for her openness.

After the talk, we went to a bookstore to let her choose some Russian books that she would like to bring back to America, and then we went to a pizzeria for lunch. At one point, I commented that we wanted her to be happy, and she replied “I can’t be happy all the time.” We found this to be a very mature and honest evaluation of life.

The happiness came, though, when we hopped in the car and headed to Extreme Park. Masha lit up, choosing rides and buying tickets. She began using more English, explaining which of us was to ride which rides with her, and telling us that she wanted to do next. Each time she headed for the ticket booth, she would point at herself and say “I…” and then move two fingers in a running motion and made a little sound effect. We then supplied the word “run.” Rather than just nodding and running off, she repeated “I run,” and then took off to buy tickets. After a couple of these, she remembered and spontaneously announced, “I run.” Making progress!!!!

How do you cope when you’re not happy?  Leave a comment…